The River

Well more than a week has passed, and I have been thinking what’s the best recent story to open with. I decided, I would tell the story of the river.

So the way the online dating works, basically you would go on your profile and you would look at your potential matches profiles. Most people do not bother with profiles without pictures. The sexier your pictures are, the more contacts you get. On the site I use it allows me to see who's viewed my profile. I can then look and see who I would want to talk to from there.

So one day, I log into my account and see this slightly older girl who viewed my account. I looked at her pics, read her profile, and decide to message her. Her name? "River". We started talking and within 2 or 3 messages online she sends me her cell number to text. She explains this is because her house in the country and she has dial up and makes it hard to use the internet. As a tech for Apple I can relate. So I text her.

Things seem to be ok, for 24 hours, but things seem to get worse quick. I log into my profile within the first 24 hours of texting this girl. She is online too! I message her and say "Hey, how you doing?" I don't think anything of the fact she is online because we are not dating, also I am online still looking.

She messages me back immediately "Why the fuck are you online?".

"Well if you are asking me so abruptly, I suppose I could ask you the same thing?"

"I am online deleting my account, I can see you're not as serious as I am?"

This argument goes on for 45 minutes. This now turns into a sick curiosity as to how this is going to turn out. I manage to calm her down and continue talking to her. By days end she texts me and apologizes.

The next day I was out and she text's me and asks "How many other girls are you talking too?"

My response seems logical "Well, you're the only one I am talking to romantically!" This was probably a lie at the time, again I was more interested in seeing what is going to happen here. I continue explaining "My best friend is a girl, she's gay and married. I work in a building with 600 employee's, I am sure there are girls I talk to there."

She tweeks! Stops texting me for 45 minutes. Clearly mind ninja is playing its game in her head. She texts me after the 45 minutes and replies "I can't deal with this!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I wanna be the only girl you talk too!"

This argument last all day. This seemed to be a simple concept to me, however she didn't agree. I explained I am not giving up my best friend who I have never, ever touched, known since I was 14, and I don't even have the right equipment for her. For what ever reason, she thinks I should only have male friends. I can't really believe what's going on here... but I am twisted and wanna know what the fuck this girl is thinking. It takes some time and I get her back on my side.

She very quickly wants to meet me! I think "jackpot!" I can't wait to see how nuts this girl really is. So we set up a meeting on the next day I have off, and we pick a place to meet.

I meet her at the location. One thing immediately tells me she was nuts. Girls, let this be a lesson to you. Your makeup will tell me, if you're nuts. Your body language will tell me, if you're nuts. You know, if in a week I have already had the horrid experience I did, and I wanted something to happen for myself, I would probably try my hardest to impress. I gather from her makeup, she was trying to impress. Her eyes are the only thing that stood out to me, so much so, it's the only thing I can remember about her. She layered her eye shadow vertically. So on the outside of her eyelid she had half covered in bright yellow, on the inside half it was covered in blue... I will let that soak in for a bit.

She then tried cuddling into me... I reciprocate (It's cuddling, what harm can this be? Plus I am a dude, sex is always in the back of my head) This is literally into 10 minutes of meeting! She kisses me, I am gonna guess 15 minutes into the meeting... again, reciprocated. 25 minutes, "are you going to be my boyfriend?"

"Well I think it is too soon to make that decision!"

She stops cuddling me. sits in silence for 5 minutes, and opens her purse. Pulls out her phone. (Keeping in mind she is sitting beside me, so I can see the phone) She is looking at the lock screen! She says, "Oh shit, my mom needs me for something, she just texted me!" Again, she is looking at the lock screen... the blank lock screen! (I was not snooping on her phone, I just have a tendency to look around in all situations, if it is awkward) She gets up and says she'll text me in an hour or so and we can meet up then.

I get a text 5 hours later "I don't think this is gonna work!"

Thanks tips!

My disclaimer... I never went to college to be a linguist, nor do I suspect or have grandeur or illusions that I know how to use my mother tongue of English. I am currently blogging from my iPhone so I assume most if not all spelling mistakes will be corrected. But I'll be fucked to know how to put a grammatically correct sentence together! Cheers!

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